By every
pearl-clutching
moral framework, every
self-righteous
ethical
compass, every
sanctimonious
code of conduct that people trot out the second someone elseâs life looks more interesting than theirsâI was, objectively,
the worst man
currently drawing breath.
Probably the worst man whoâd ever drawn breath, if weâre being honest, and honesty is my new
kink.
More than half my of women was circulating through this party like high-end art pieces.
Theyâd shown up to support their sister Celesteâher big debut, collectors from fourteen countries pretending they understood
curated genius
while mostly just
ogling
women, the lighting and the champagne flutes.
Since we arrived, Celeste and I had traded maybe
three polite
glances and one smile that couldâve been mistaken for professional courtesy if you were legally blind.
And yet here I was:
balls deep in another manâs wife
, her legs locked around my waist like she was trying to win a
rodeo championship
, hips grinding like sheâd just discovered
friction
was invented yesterday.
She was screaming about
my cock
âstill only getting the teaser trailer,
mind you
, because I hadnât even bothered with full size control yet.
The preview alone had her losing higher brain function. Imagine paying full price for the DLC when the demo already
blue-screened
her
soul.
Yet another spontaneous encounter. Right after Patt in Hollywood.
What would any normal man be doing right now?
I genuinely couldnât tell you. Normal men probably donât have a statistical sample size large enough to form an opinion.
Point being: I was having another manâs wife dancing on my cock while the rest of my women were out there socializing, sipping champagne, making conversation.
Charlotte probably wanted to
punch
Aurelia. Or worseâwalk away.
Actually no. The former was worse.
So, what would any man other than me be doing in my position? I didnât think I could answer that honestly. Especially since one of the men I should probably look up to had already lost his wife to my cock; I was currently turning another
husbandâs marital vows
into performance art.
The mentorship pipeline for
"how to be a decent man"
was already DOA anyway. One of the guys I theoretically shouldâve looked up to had already lost his wife to this very cock.
The whole
"ask your elders"
advice column collapses when the elderâs wife is in here moaning my name like she just discovered religion 2.0.
Spontaneous sex.
To most men, itâs a fantasy they jerk off to while crying into their wedding photos. Society frowns on it because society is mostly
composed
of people who
peaked
in high school and have been bitter about it ever since.
From the outside it looks
reckless, impulsive
, the kind of thing that lands you on Dr. Phil while the audience gasps in rehearsed horror and secretly Googles
"
how to cuck my neighbor
without getting caught."
From in here, thoughâ
inside her clenching heat,
her ragged gasps, her nails carving commandments into my backâit isnât reckless. Itâs physics. Inevitable.
Newtonian.
The apple doesnât fall because itâs sinful; it falls because
gravity is an asshole
and so am I.
And for the
0.0002%
of men who actually get to live that fantasy instead of just
bookmarking
Pornhub tabs
? Theyâre usually doing it wrong.
Drunken coat-closet fumble. Sloppy last-call desperation. Amateur hour.
Iâm talking about the kind of
spontaneous
that rewires her entire nervous system, the kind where she walks into the party wearing someone elseâs ring and limps out wearing my fingerprints like a new religion.
This was woman number
two
in under twenty-four hours. And thatâs only because I showed superhuman restraint on the
plane.
I couldâve turned first class into a mobile orgy, but nooo, I practiced self-control.
Look at me, practically a
saint;
Mother Teresa with better stamina and zero guilt.
Most of my womenâletâs call it the overwhelming majorityâstarted exactly like this. Spontaneous. Zero to claimed in the time it takes normal people to exchange LinkedIn profiles.
Madison? My queen, my anchor, the one who keeps me from floating completely into the stratosphere of my own ego?
Invited me
to her house in the guise of studying together when I first announced my dick energy and also got rejected by Lea after the seduction mission... in her bedroom things escalated, the system pinged like a slot machine hitting jackpot.
Never looked back.
Spontaneous.
Isabella? Sure, we planned a little with Madison, but execution day was still
zero-to-naked
in the bathroom I was âfixingâ, in record time.
Luna? I had to
medical-talk
her into a coffee date first. We fucked when we reached her apartment.
Again, may I say it again?
Spontaneous
sex.
Janet?
Oh, that sweet memory.
I fucked her literally minutes after hanging up a sex call with Isabella in La Cherry bathrooms. The universe literally runs a conveyor belt of beautiful women past me and my only job is quality control inspectorâwith benefits.
There were the three Wellness Center trioâVictoria, Ortega, Anya?
A
spontaneous foursome
âmy firstâborn from the simple ambition of wanting to work there to meet women.
Walked in for a job interview. Walked out having turned three wellness professionals into a symphony of sounds OSHA would definitely cite as a workplace hazard. My first foursome, born from the noble ambition of "I want to meet hot women at work." Truly inspirational.
Then... the Miami girls. Amandaâmy first proper cucking trophy... yes, there was Jack, who Iâd stolen Sofia from but that asshole doesnât count, he was an
oxygen thief
who didnât deserve carbon credits, let alone such an amazing girl like Sofia.
Celeste, Vivienne, Anastasia, Gabrielle, Ashby, Sophia. That gallery spontaneous orgy (my first again)âit was a mass
conversion
event. Sociologists would kill for the data if they could publish without getting canceled into oblivion.
The list goes on becauseâIâm not collecting PokĂ©mon here; Iâm making a harem women who used to believe in monogamy the way people believe in
trickle-down
economics: theoretically comforting,
practically
fiction
.
Lucky for me, I look really good in black. And the women? They keep volunteering for the role of willing victim.
Theology of spontaneous sin,
ladies and gentlemen.
Sermon
over.
Amenâand youâre welcome.