"Look at you, your whole lifeās been tragic enough. Last time I saw you was in the labor camp, and now I see you again, itās in a mental hospital, ai... What on earth have you been through." Ding Dongqin helped Ye Qing towel her hair dry while muttering, "Your mom actually treats you pretty well. Every time she comes she brings you all kinds of food and daily stuff, tells you stories about your past. Think about it, youāve been listening to this for so many years now, how come thereās still not the slightest reaction from you."
Ye Qingās eyes stared blankly into the distance, unfocused, so you couldnāt tell what exactly she was looking at. Ding Dongqin talked, and she didnāt react.
Ding Dongqin was used to it. After drying her hair, she gave it a comb, then didnāt go tend to other patients, but sat right down next to her, followed her line of sight and also looked into the distance. "Actually, the two of us are both unlucky. Look at me: after I got out from inside, I was divorced from my man in just a few years. I raised my girl alone, scraped together enough to get her into a model school. Now sheās married, has her own little family, and her inālaws donāt really like her coming back to her motherās place too often, so... ai, we donāt want to put our daughters in a bind between two sides, so I found this kind of job looking after patients, living yearāround in a psych ward. Ai... Being stuck here every day, I donāt even know if Iāve caught mental illness myself. Iāve thought it through: if I live another seven or eight years and canāt move anymore, Iāll just swallow a handful of pills, so I donāt make things hard for myself and my daughter can have peace of mind. Do you think that scheme of mine will work?"
Ye Qing still didnāt answer. Ding Dongqin went on, "These days Iāve got a friend asking if Iād be willing to go to another country. She says the currency over there isnāt worth much; if we take our money and exchange it into theirs, one yuan can be exchanged for several units of theirs. If we had fifty thousand yuan, that would be like ten units of their money. Thatād be something, wouldnāt it. Here weāre poor people, but over there weād be rich. Ai, itās a pity I donāt have much in savings, and I donāt have any real skill. Iād still end up doing odd jobs over there. Better to stay on oneās own land."
When Ye Qing heard this, her fingers moved ever so slightly, but Ding Dongqin didnāt notice. She just sat there and started talking about the people and things sheād run into recently.
.......
When Qiu Hualan and Du Guangjun came to see Ye Qing, she hadnāt gone out to bask in the sun; she was lying on the bed alone, eyes closed, not asleep though.
Thinking she was asleep, Qiu Hualan quietly pulled the quilt up over her. While Du Guangjun went out to get Ye Qingās meal, Qiu Hualan sat at the side of Ye Qingās bed, sighed, and looked at her as she talked to herself: "We didnāt come yesterday because Hua Huaās grandma fell sick. Yesterday your Uncle Du and I went over to see her. Itās not a good illness, the doctors say it canāt be cured, and itās going to take a lot of money to treat. Hua Huaās grandpa wants to use the money you left for Hua Hua; I disagreed. The doctors already said it canāt be cured, to spend that money on treatment now would just be wasting it... Ai, but letting her just hang on like this is also suffering. Weāll do conservative treatment. When I left, I slipped two thousand yuan for her. Thatās us doing the decent thing. Right now everything in our family is good, itās just you... Daughter, what blow did you take, that after all these years you still havenāt figured things out? Hua Hua comes to see you how many times every year, and you donāt feel anything? Look how outstanding he is now: heās about to go to high school, give it a few more years and heāll be starting a family. Weāre getting older and older; if one of these days we really go, and leave Hua Hua with you like this, what will happen then?"
Ye Qing kept her eyes shut and didnāt make a sound. She just lay there quietly listening.
Qiu Hualan went on, "My little business now is doing pretty well, the money I save up every year Iāve been putting away. Prices keep going up, and getting married and taking a wife takes a lot of bride price, plus youāthose savings you put away back then are almost used up too. All this money will be for the two of you to use when the time comes. All your mom hopes for is that you can get better. If you get better, our whole family can really be happy. Weāll just live our own life quietly and peacefully, and we mustnāt compare ourselves with others. We canāt compare. Understand?"
"Everyone has their own way of living. Look at things now, your mom feels this is pretty good already, no worse than Liang Hongmei in any way. As long as we live happily, thatās enough."
Qiu Hualan chattered on, as she did every time she came, talking for the better part of a day. When Du Guangjun came back with the meal, there was still no sign Ye Qing was going to wake up. Qiu Hualan put the food in a thermos container for her. After sitting a while, the two of them left.
When the two of them walked out the door, Ye Qing opened her eyes and looked out the window, just like that, waiting for her momās figure to appear, quietly watching her walk away. Only after a long, long time did she take back her gaze, as if she had only just managed to carve her momās back view deeply into her heart.
.....
Half a month after this, Ye Qing slipped into Ding Dongqinās room in the middle of the night when no one was paying attention.
When Ye Qing stood in front of her, she scared Ding Dongqin into letting out an "ah"āshe thought Ye Qing had gone crazy.
But then, out of the mouth that hadnāt spoken in so many years, Ye Qing uttered a few words. Her thinking was clear, her expression normal, and what she said left Ding Dongqin utterly astonished.
That night, Ye Qing stayed in Ding Dongqinās room for more than three hours.
After that, Ding Dongqin went away for a few days. When she came back she didnāt go seek out Ye Qing, but the two of them were in close contact in private.
Time passed day by day, the weather slowly grew hotter, and Hua Hua was on vacation too. Once again, Qiu Hualan brought him to see Ye Qing.
In the two months that had passed, Hua Huaās grandma on the other side was already done for. In just those few months, she was gone, just like they say: illness comes like a fierce beast, and when a person goes, they just go. She was only buried at the end of last month, and Hua Hua had lost yet another family member.
Hua Hua couldnāt really say what he felt about this grandma. She treated him very well, and he relied on her, but he wasnāt too willing to stay with them, because heād always felt it was because of them that his mom went crazy. So in these past few years, the place Hua Hua went the most was Qiu Hualanās home.