"But can I decide what kind of witch I want to become without knowing what kind of tree Lady Ashlynn has chosen for me?" Heila asked. Her winged companion had explained that Ashlynn would need to choose a seed for her and that it would pair Heila with a tree that suited her nature but the young lady-in-waiting had no idea what kind of tree Ashlynn would choose.
Would Ashlynn choose an Oak like the Ancient Oaks in the Vale of Mists? Or cedar like the forest of their home? Heila had never thought about what kind of tree suited her before. It seemed like such a strange question if not for her current circumstances. Now that it had become relevant, she didnât know what she would choose for herself, much less what Ashlynn might choose.
"Does Auntie Ashlynn know you well?" Talauia asked, cocking her head to the side and pausing her pepper picking. "If she knows you well, sheâll know to pick the right thing, as easy as picking ripe vegetables. You just have to think about what youâll do once she picks it because it will naturally fit."
"I, I think she knows me well," Heila said. Her fingers hesitated, hovering above a pepper as she thought carefully about the conversations sheâd had in the carriage with Ashlynn while they traveled.
Talauia made it sound simple and saying things was often simple, but was it really that easy to know a person well enough to choose something for them that would completely change their life? Heila didnât think so and she didnât think that Ashlynn would find it easy to make the decision either.
Heila had spoken a great deal about her family and her life growing up as one of the youngest with a large group of older siblings. Sheâd talked about how happy she was to be able to serve in the ancient fortress and the many important friendships sheâd made among the other servants in the keep.
But had she ever spoken about what she wanted? Her ears heated behind her horns as she realized how often sheâd spoken wistfully about the handsome men who caught her eye or the idea of having children of her own one day.
Sheâd even suggested that, when the time came, perhaps one of her daughters could take over as Ashlynnâs next lady-in-waiting the same way that Georg had taken over as Nyrielleâs personal cook after his father retired.
"I just want ordinary things," Heila said, resuming her picking. "Maybe Iâll find a man one day and raise a family. But now that Iâm joining Lady Ashlynnâs coven, maybe I wonât. If I spent the rest of my life at her side, making sure that she was happy, that wouldnât be a bad life."
"Not bad, not bad?" Talauia said, her wings vibrating with a low-pitched hum. "Not bad isnât good," she pronounced, folding her arms over her pert bust. "You canât be passive like this," she added fiercely, turning to fix her multifaceted eyes on the diminutive horned woman. "You have to want something, really want something, or the seed will consume you."
"A witch uses her desires to shape the energy of the world," the Thistle Witch said pointedly. "You have to have strong desires. It doesnât matter what they are, but if youâre passive, too passive, like Sister Holly, youâll end up like Sister Holly and that," she said, her throat seizing up as tears formed in her eyes. "That would be too sad!"
It wasnât often that someone was presented with the opportunity to become a witch. There were, perhaps, fewer than a hundred witches on the entire continent. From the moment they had met, when she saw Heilla stubbornly slogging through the soft, muddy, and silty ground of the Briar, she knew that this diminutive young woman had the heart to become a great witch.
But if things turned out like Sister Holly again... if it was her fault for not preparing her well enough again. That would be too much to bear, even for her.
"But, I donât know what I want!" Heila said, dropping the basket of vegetables in a moment of panic. "I have more than I ever wanted. I have so much because Lady Ashlynn has been so generous that Iâve never thought of what I could want that I donât already have," she said, her lower lip trembling.
"I used to do the laundry, make the beds, and tend the curtains," she said softly. "When Madame Zedya asked me to tend to Lady Ashlynn, I didnât know it would turn into this. Now, now I have fine dresses and I go wherever Lady Ashlynn goes and even Captain Lennart acts like Iâm above him now and... and I didnât get this because I âdesiredâ it, it just happened because I was the one who Madame Zedya picked," she said, looking down at the soft soil beneath her cloven feet.
"Iâm nothing special," Heila said in a small voice. "I just got lucky to come this far. Now, I just want to prove that I can be useful. That I can help Lady Ashlynn when she needs me and that she didnât make a mistake when she chose me," she said, her voice growing determined.
"Thatâs not enough, not enough," Talauia said, her words slicing deep into Heilaâs heart even though she said them gently. "You should talk to Mother. Maybe, maybe Mother can tell you which tree Lady Ashlynn picked. Then, then we can find the best way to build up your desires to fit that tree."
"That would be good," Heila said, picking up her basket of vegetables with an embarrassed look as she collected the few peppers and okra pods that had fallen from the basket. "I know Iâm no one special but..."
"No, thatâs not right, not right at all," Talauia said, placing her hands on Heilaâs shoulders and staring directly into Heilaâs eyes with her own amethyst multi-faceted gaze. "I heard what you did for Auntie Ashlynn, how brave youâve been. Even little brother Jacques said that youâre not an ordinary woman."
"You have all the courage you need," the witch said. "Youâre just scared of the unknown. So, weâll turn the unknown into the known and then you wonât need to be afraid. I promise!"