For several minutes, Rosie sat on the bed, cradling her son and trying to navigate the knot in her heart to find a way to answer Saintess Ashlynnâs question. She tried, several times, to think of the words she would write and imagined her husband reading them, but each time she imagined it, she couldnât imagine him putting aside his holy sword simply because sheâd asked him to.
"Iâm sorry, your Dominion," Rosie finally said after spending a long time lost in thought. "Tommin, he, he turned his back on Tonnis and me in favor of his faith. You may not know this, but he took Piety as one of his virtues when he became a knight, and Righteousness as well. The Holy Lord of Light is more important to him than we are," she said bitterly.
"You mean that if he receives a letter from you," Ashlynn said slowly. "Heâll see it as a request to betray his piety, and heâll feel that if he betrayed his piety because of a request from his family, then heâll have lost his claim to righteousness. Even though it would save many lives, because it would resemble the sort of corrupt, self-serving deals made by other noblemen for the sake of their families, he would refuse to listen."
"Exactly," Rosie said, holding her son close as silent tears spilled down her cheeks. "He has nothing left in this world but his faith and his holy sword," Rosie said, fighting to speak around the sobs that piled up in her chest.
For months, sheâd asked herself again and again if there would come a day when Tommin would come back to her and their son. If this whole thing would blow over, and whatever it was he was running from would leave him alone so he could safely return.
But after weeks of struggling against the deadly poison without a single visit from her husband, she was forced to confront the bitter reality. The man who had once promised to love her and cherish her, in this life and until they were reunited on the Heavenly Shores, had truly abandoned his family in order to serve his faith.
"So, even if it was to save my life," Rosie sobbed, clutching at the handkerchief Zedya had given to her and stroking her sonâs hair. "He, he wonât stand aside. I, Iâm not worth enough to him anymore to..."
"Itâs all right," Ashlynn said softly as she reached out to Zedya for help standing. As much as she wanted to stay and to console the other woman, the exhaustion of healing two people dragged down on her and she had very little left to give. "I didnât ask Zedya and her husband, Lennart, to rescue you so that you could influence your husband. Itâs just that, since youâre here, I had to try."
"My Lady," Zedya said as she took Ashlynnâs hand, hovering protectively over her mistressâs beloved and silently fretting over what Mistress Nyrielle would say when she realized that Ashlynn had pushed herself too far yet again, weakening herself too much for other people, and people who were the family of one of the men who buried Ashlynn alive at that.
"Let me take you to Lady Nyrielle," Zedya offered as she gently supported Ashlynn. "I can take a message to Sir Ollie and the others to let them know that youâll be spending the night in the castle and returning to your vigil in the morning. Iâm sure theyâll understand," she said.
"That, that sounds like a good idea," Ashlynn agreed. As much as she wanted to return to Isabellâs side, there was nothing she could do to help now that her friendâs trial had begun. Right now, more than anything else, she wanted to enjoy a quiet meal with her lover, followed by a long soak in a hot bath to soothe the aches of the dayâs work and banish the lingering chill from her body. "But after that, please come back here," Ashlynn added. "I think it would help if Madame Rosie wasnât left alone for the night in a strange place," she said with a lingering glance at the poor womanâs tear-stained face.
Rosie had been through too much in too short a period of time. The poison had ravaged her body and her mind for weeks, and sheâd woken to a world unlike anything she knew. Worse, the cause of all of her suffering was the husband who had abandoned her in order to devote himself to a faith that was much less pure and holy than what Rosie had believed just days ago.
In time, Ashlynn expected that Rosie would find a way to rebuild herself. She clearly loved her son too much to risk harming herself in a moment of grief and fear, but it would take more than her love of her son to get through the days ahead. The road would be hard, and while none of it was Ashlynnâs fault, she couldnât deny that Rosieâs life had fallen apart because of events that began with her marriage to Owain Lothian, and Ashlynn felt obligated to help the mother and son as much as she could.
"Weâll talk again tomorrow, if youâre willing," Ashlynn said from the door. "If Sir Tommin survives this battle, I still need to decide how to handle him. Before I make any decisions, Iâd like to hear more from you about what kind of man he is," she said as her gaze fell on the slumbering boyâs frail figure. "And about what kind of father heâs been for his son. Can you do that for me at least?"
"Of course, your Dominion," Rosie said as she wiped the tears from her eyes and bowed her head to the Saintess. "I, I meant what I said. Anything I can do, just ask. Tonnis and I, we, we owe you everything, so..."
"None of that," Ashynn chided gently. "Tomorrow, weâll have evening tea, and you can introduce me to Tonnis. Thatâs repayment enough for what Iâve done. Now, you should rest," Ashlynn said. "Zedya will bring food for you soon, and others will care for you in the morning."
"And, Rosie," Ashlynn added softly. "Whatever happens to Tommin, Iâm sorry that youâve suffered for it," she said before she slipped out of the room, leaving the bewildered mother alone with her sleeping son.
When the door closed, it felt incredibly heavy, as if Rosieâs life before she came to this place had ended. Perhaps it ended when Owain had her poisoned, or even earlier when Tommin left her. The life sheâd known had been ending for a long time, but now, it felt like it was truly over.
When she left, Saintess Ashlynn looked like she was carrying a tremendous weight, and Rosie had only glimpsed a portion of it. But as she held her son in the silence of the small room, she hoped that the burdens weighing down the woman who had saved them werenât so heavy that they crushed her. And maybe, maybe one day she would find a way to pay the Saintess back for what she had done and lighten those burdens, even if it was just a little bit.